Some criminals display such a monumental lack of competence that they’d have trouble outfoxing the Keystone Kops with Barney Fife as lead investigator.

In the class of Dumb Crooks, we find the sub-category of Dumb Crooks who specialize in burglary. Tales of their illegal antics could fill 100 police blotters — failure to gain entry, failure to make a clean getaway, failure in general.

By the time you hear about them, they’ve already lost.

Here are two recent dispatches from the world of Bumbling Burglars.

A not-so-triumphant return

COLUMBUS, Ohio: — In March, a Columbus resident discovered that someone had broken into his home while he was away for the weekend. The perpetrators smashed a window and took gaming systems and other expensive electronics.

The homeowner, David Ayers, noticed that some of his video games had been left untouched and got a feeling that the burglars might come back to finish the job.

The day after Ayers discovered the break-in, a suspicious person started knocking on his door. Ayers, certain that his premonition was about to come true, called 911. Then someone smashed a window — the same window broken during the first burglary.

This time, however, Ayers was there to defend his home.

When two 15-year-olds entered the house, Ayers chased them out and into the yard. Police responding to the 911 call arrested one suspect at the scene, and officers caught up with the second teen later.

“Never return to the scene. That’s dumb,” Ayers said. “But I’m glad they did. And I got them. I’m satisfied.”

I owe, I owe, it’s off to jail I go

VOLUSIA COUNTY, Florida: If you see someone pushing a wheelbarrow down the street with an air conditioner inside it at 6 a.m., you can bet that person has a story to tell. The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office certainly thought so.

In March, a neighbor saw 18-year-old Kimani Parker and a friend trundling along with the air conditioner. When deputies caught up with Parker later that morning, he was empty-handed and described as “very nervous.”

Parker initially claimed that he had permission to take the air conditioner but soon admitted that he and his accomplice had stolen the unit and hidden it in the woods. Parker’s plan was to sell the air conditioner to a scrap yard because he needed money — he owed a local Walmart $200 in restitution for shoplifting.

In addition to the restitution debt, Parker now faces charges of burglary, grand theft and criminal mischief.

Don’t count on incompetence

If every burglar had the same skill set as the criminal masterminds described here, the demand for home security systems would almost certainly decline.

Unfortunately, you can’t count on all burglars to be bumblers. To learn more about safeguarding your family and property with professional alarm monitoring, get in touch with a home security provider today.

This installment of Bumbling Burglar News takes us overseas, proving that all cultures have at least one thing in common. No matter which corner of the globe you travel to, the phrase “criminal mastermind” is sometimes a contradiction in terms.

Snooze Hand Luke

COVENTRY, England: A young burglar from the United Kingdom would rather go to prison than face morning meetings with a probation officer. Who knew incarceration was so conducive to sleep?

Kierran Batchelor, 21, received a 40-week suspended sentence and probation for burglarizing two homes last spring. However, it wasn’t long before Batchelor stopped showing up for his 10 a.m. probation meetings.

When summoned back to court to explain his absences, Batchelor said that working a 10 p.m.-6 a.m. shift at his warehouse job made it difficult to attend meetings with his probation officer. In fact, the mid-morning appointments had “wrecked” his sleep patterns.

The Daily Mail Online quoted Batchelor as saying: “I’d rather go to jail and get it out the way, come out and get a fresh start, and not have to do probation and things like that.”

The judge obliged, activating Batchelor’s suspended sentence and sending him to prison. Batchelor responded by thanking him as he was led out of the courtroom.

Caught red-handed

INNSBRUCK, Austria: If you’re a criminal, cutting yourself on the window you just smashed is bad luck. Responding to this setback by calling the police is just bad judgment.

Authorities in Austria say a 41-year-old man used an icepick to break the window of a jewelry store and cut his hand reaching inside to help himself to some of the merchandise. Then, for reasons unknown, the would-be burglar called the police to report the theft.

When officers arrived, the man told them he had seen two men running in the opposite direction. As he offered these details, the police couldn’t help but notice his bleeding hand. (There was also the matter of the stolen jewelry in his pocket, and the witnesses who had seen him smash the window.)

He was, of course, arrested.

On a serious note

Even though stories like these are pretty amusing, don’t lose sight of the fact that home security is no laughing matter.

The most practical and effective way to reduce your home’s vulnerability to break-ins is by installing a home security system. You’ll be better protected against burglars, bumbling or otherwise.